. . . :Little One's needs are growing: . . .

My need to punish.
Maybe I'm not a sadist, I always thought.
I know I'm a dominant and a top, not quite a masochist
but a true sadist in the "your screams make me cream my thong" kind of way.

This is going to be sexy now.
So hold on.
Something's coming uncorked
and dammit if the energy in the air isn't palpable.

I suppose it seduces us all, the crack and the whir and the gasp,
but I'm not going to be blase, I'm going to dine out on my naivete
in the sense that i've really discovered how deep is my need

shhh! do you hear that sound?
laughter and low tones echo in the silence
i'm just sitting across the room
my breathing gets shallow too
but I must maintain control

Caught up in heat generated by the synergy
the endorphins and the blush and blood rush
I feel an urge to break a sweat
Part emotional acuity
force of repressed desire
hungry, greedy, hidden needs
exchange
- here.
Releasing upon impact
of leather on flesh.

Breathing in
Breathing out
Together, with measured stroke

Till you peak on your sizzling synapses.
When the blindfold comes off,
your eyes are newborn to the world.

(but you knew that, didn't you?)

. . . :an evening of casual play: . .

A house full of party people. A room in the house. One bed we are all sitting on.
I bring out my crop and spank and caress whatever body is closest.

Some don't mind. Some will not accept it. Some find that they truly like it, esp. when I get
a nice rhythm and snap going. I feel all warm and limber, said one. It's okay to say you like it,
I said. The rawhide strokes feel like lightning spreading. But the crop has a nice satisfying
whack to it, said another.

We are in the room, all of us, maybe 7 or so. We have been up all night.
I am still awake. Face down, ass up, like a centerpiece in the middle of a
bed, thighs split apart. Licks of rawhide between the knees, the thighs.
The thin tip tickles the scrotum. I like how the backside wiggles and flinches.

I pass the crop around. Everyone is spanking each other.
This is wonderful and hilarious.

I'm never a bottom though.
Always the top.

I might have found a place to live in Berkeley!

Update: Went to see a place near the Berkeley Rose Garden yesterday.
It's much smaller than my current space, but it has FREE DSL and a HOT TUB!!!
And a lovely garden in need of care. I'd only be living with one lovely young woman, an old friend.
It's so close to the rose garden, and if I move there in June, and the roses bloom in June . . .nice.
So those are the pros.

The cons are:
The bedroom is smaller than my current bedroom.
It's $200 more, which perhaps is the premium I'd have to pay to live with fewer people, and for the hot tub.
It's a little far out from BART, and since I won't have a car in a little bit, it might be a little inconvenient.
I'd have to leave my house and my housemates, whom I love. But it's time for me to move on, anyway.

Excerpt from a letter to a Mistress I admire

If our own lives are myths, and we are the heroes of those myths,
the on the arc of my hero's journey, I am going into the darkness -
not meaning the darkness of the scene - the darkness of the unknown
space, where I feel compelled to go. On this journey I will redefine
myself, and draw on strengths that have heretofore been dormant,
following instinct and the help of mentors to bring myself to the enlightened path.

As described by Joseph Campbell, the hero's journey begins with the call.

"One way or another, a guide must come to say, Look, you're in Sleepy Land. Wake.
Come on a trip. There is a whole aspect of your consciousness, your
being, that's not been touched.
So you're at home here? Well, there's not enough of you there."

"The call is to leave a certain social situation, move into your
own loneliness and find the jewel,
the center that's impossible to find when you're socially engaged. . .
The first step, detachment or withdrawal, consists in a radical
transfer of emphasis from the external to the internal world, marco
to microcosm, a retreat from the desperations of the waste land
to the peace of the everlasting realm that is within."

Translation for me: I've got to get the fuck out of this Sleepy
Time Village and get away from this lifestyle where I am barely
breathing or alive. I've got to shake off these perfunctory motions
and emotions, challenge my consciousness.
Dammit. I've only got this one life and so much to learn about myself.
And I'm bored with "normal" life, corporate culture. I feel as if
my will is stronger than everyone's around me.

And this is why I just want to be more honest -
what I am is not an acquiescent Asian female. I'm a dominant woman
and I need a sub male to "dominate" and the whole thing makes so
much sense . . Digable Planets echoes in my brain: We be to rap
what key be to lock. I'm a girl, he's a boy and it all makes perfect sense.

I was not sure where to begin with this. So I just began. And now
I have a few postulants who are simply waiting for me to tell them what I want.

The next challenge for me: What the hell do I want? What do I want out of this?

.:You'd asked me to write about what I thought of the evening.
I remember almost everything, maybe it's the drugs but I really feel as if I cannot
remember things in a linear fashion. What is stored in my memory - flashes.

Senju telling me to bend over and hold the towel rack as she laced me.
Senju on her knees behind me, and you behind her, saying "Beautiful".
Paulina's assessing gaze of me in my coveralls - ha!

I felt disoriented at the club. It was more of a fashion show, wasn't it?
Nothing was really going on.
I sensed an agenda between you, Senju, Paulina and B.
So I excused myself and went off to observe.

When I went to dance it was very freeing. I love to dance, anyway.
The club was like any other club, of course. Same people, same dancing - different clothes.

My attention was drawn to you all in the corner.

Senju, perched on a barstool, a chic hat perched atop her hair.
She cradled B's head in her lap and pulled at his nipples, raked her hands across his back.
Paulina stood by, her downcast gaze so gracefully and typically Japanese and feminine,
highlighting the glitter on her eyelids.
And of course, you, running the show with your whip.
Ignorant people getting in your way. Other people gathering to watch.
B's body buckling.

The rest of the evening at B's apt. seemed so surreal and yet totally natural to me.
When it seemed the game was on, I was struck by so many thoughts:

- the sport of it
- the technical proficiency
- the playfulness
- the trust
- the laughter

B gasping to you, exhaling with the pain: Does that please you?
God, that was sexy.

Senju asking you something, and you nod assent.
The next thing I remember is that she jumped up and clapped her
hands like a little girl, saying "I want to have more fun!" in her lovely accent,
then went to her things and got out the clamps or clothespins or whatever, and
affixed them to B.

She stood over him then, whipping the pins.
Everytime he groaned she would say "I know, I know, I know"

Paulina saying: Boys are boring. I like girls. Girls are more fun.
Then she starts to play with Q, who is of course, very acquiescent.

My conversation with you was probably one of the most significant connections I've made in a long time.

It is your face I remember, your smile, your eyes lighting up, your hands gesturing - Constellations, you said, and your eyes
twinkled as if the stars were in there, too. You should know that you were so beautiful in that moment.

_end of excerpt_

Postulants, this is a journey of mutual exploration.
I do not seek to "prove myself" to anyone.
I know what I am. You know what you are.
We might create those synergistic moments of trust and feeling alive that allow
us to transcend our mundane lives, if only for a little while.
But I do not wish to struggle between us. We struggle enough within ourselves,
keeping our affinities hidden from those who might not understand.

If some of you are further along the path than I am, then I look to you
for acceptance as well.

In less serious news, I have taken some lovely photos with a photographer friend.
And if you're particularly attentive, then perhaps I will grace you with one!

LO

Yahoo Briefcase Link doesn't work because . . .

As part of their efforts to cut down on free services, public access to free yahoo briefcase accounts has been suspended.
Therefore, if you are paying attention, please email me today to be sent the proposed Slave Indoctrination schedule.
You must have MS Excel to open this document.

Graciously,

the Little One

And so the gleaning continues

A different kind of social Darwinism - the neophytes and pretenders and the merely curious fall away.
It's late again, and I have been working on my Indoctrination Schedule.
For the Postulant who is paying attention,
find my proposed schedule here.

Please look this over and decide what level of time, energy and financial resources you have to continue
with this process. If you feel you will need modifications in terms of time or resources, you may speak freely
and let me know - I can be flexible if I see that your effort and desire is sincere, and that you would like to
work out *some* modified arrangement of this track.

I would like to begin scheduling Meeting Ones next week. See Schedule for further details.

Another thought as I met new people and had dinner this evening at the lovely neighborhood Villa Romana,
across the park and a little ways from where I live:
everyone has a keen point of desire, sensuality, delicious exposed nerves.
Where does that become real for you? Where, when, and under what circumstances
do you feel delicious, sensual, that undulating current of energy
flowing through you - the pulsating vibe, the keening.

Some feel it only on the dance floor.
Perhaps you feel it, that build of tension and repression spilling out onto your skin like satin sheets or warm milk.
I feel it all the time, when I listen to music, dance, brush my hair, sing a song.
While I'm in meetings I let my mind wander.
Lately I have been looking at men differently, thinking about how each man might submit to my physical and mental whip.
Thinking of what their faces might look like when they flinch, when they bite down on their lips to stifle the cries out.
Perhaps it is the feeling of silky women's underwear against your skin that makes you feel thick with vibe.
Perhaps it is when you are on your knees at my feet, blinded and bound, with a ball gag in your mouth,
with me whispering softly into your ear
and the coolness of a metal rod nudging your scrotum.

Interesting. . . .

For further guidance on preferred gifts, please see the left hand nav for LO's little pleasures.

You say you are ready to serve, but what do you mean?

My time and energy is valuable and I am not a commercial Domina.
I must be wary of those who might wish to court my favor because he might think
that a lifestyle Domina who does not see subs as “clients” is a bargain alternative
to seeing pro-Dommes.

I am genuine and generous with my energy and compassion.
I know my worth, and that I am precious, and would be hurt and offended if I were
approached with anything but thoughtfulness, consideration and generosity.

You will be reminded once again that I am not a proDomme
and it is not my responsibility to provide service to you.

I have fantasies and whims and a compassionate and empathetic nature,
and I am looking forward to understanding whether or not we as individuals might
share symbiotic and synergistic moments.

You = sub male.
Me = Dom female.

The taking of power and the submission of will
should be delectable in and of itself.

The resistance between us should never be the hardest battle of wills.
It is the fight against our own will, our own pride, our own resistance
that makes the exchange such a growth experience.

Each small task assigned and completed has that function inherent.

I am aware of the battle within me. I’m sure you hear the static dissonance within you,
your will asserting itself against mine, impatient perhaps, reluctant perhaps, dubious perhaps,
yet unconvinced that you should continue in this endeavor with me.
That response might seem ostensibly natural. But is it natural for you?
What about the instinct to yield? Is it not strong within you?

I’m reconditioning myself, too. We will help each other, if we continue together.
To reinforce that which we are, through our joy and acceptance of one another’s role
and needs.

Do not be impatient to meet me as I will judge the best timing.
You need only to read these words to realize I am sentient and acutely aware
of each plan, each communication, each intention.

You expect me to lead as I am the Domme.
Therefore do not question, and wait patiently upon my word.
Your service and compliance should be assurance to me that you commit
yourself to serving my favor, it should prove to me you are worthy
of my compassion and discipline.

Follow my instructions. Read between the lines. Anticipate my need.
Be bold in your offers of service. While audacity is irritating, initiative is impressive.
Learn the distinction.

Housing Challenge

Postulant,

This is not a requirement, or a directive. Rather, this is a request for
help. Should you like to respond, please do so. Bonus Points on your part.


Currently, as you know, I live in a house with 4 other housemates.
While the house has 5 bedrooms and I have ample room,
the Little One's exercise and newly chosen lifestyle
would be better served in a more private space.

I have been in this shared living situation to save money, of course.
Having completed my undergrad in '99 my monthly student loans
are more than my rent. Therefore I have been limited financially to
live on my own. I don't really mind the company, either.

However, as you know with the training and lifestyle that I wish to pursue
I am re-evaluating my living situation. You see, there's a balance of power
within our household as it is, and some housemates appear to be uncomfortable
with the departure of my formerly acquiescent and accomodating nature.

I am asking for what I want, saying what I feel, and this threatens some.
As you might surmise, now that my force is uncorking itself, it is affecting
those around me.

Therefore I am on the lookout for new digs.
Digs where I can be the Mistress of my space.
Digs where I can play and be serviced without
compromising the feelings or space of others.

Makes sense, doesn't it?

I will be posting this on CL later on, however, it is my Expectation
that an Exemplary Postulant will take it upon himself to help with this
endeavor, as it will affect our rapport directly, and thus grant
greater freedom and flexibility for the Little One to play.

See below, respond if you can assist. Failure to assist will not result
in penalty - however, the Exemplary Postulant will at least try, and will
receive favor, and pleasure, from having eased the mind of the Little One.

Single Asian Female, employed, with controversial proclivities,
seeks housing with the following parameters:

- 1 BD or studio with eat in kitchen
- Bathroom with tub (I like to take long baths)
- DSL/Digi cable-ready
- Furnished with refrigerator and stove
- Ample closet space
- Preferred neighborhoods: Inner Richmond or Sunset, Cole Valley,
9th/Irving area, Haight, Noe Valley
- Near MUNI bus or train line
- Paid utilities (optional, preferred)
- Laundry in unit or building
- Rental range: $600 - $700/month
- I can afford about a $1500 move-in total max. (must include first and last on that one)

I do not:

- smoke cigarettes
- own a car or animal pet
- like walk-up apt. buildings
- want to live near children, large families, or righteous conservative busybodies

I would like a space of my own to live and play without
having to deal with judgements or other people's
wack conservative comfort levels.

I would prefer to move in by August 1st, but no matter when, I must
give 30 days notice at my current residence.

The Little One is longing . . .

I awoke this morning with a profound sense of longing.
Throughout my morning rush, I was selecting a scarf to wear today.
I love scarves. They are wonderful accents to outfits, and can multi-task
for bondage, blindfolding or gagging.

Isn't that lovely? I would love more scarves. My favorite color is red. Of course!

While taking down a scarf I saw my new rawhide whip dangling there, next to the riding crop on my wall.
They all but begged me for use.

I caressed the rawhide, looking into nothingness for a moment's pause from my hurried morning
routine. Wishing I could take all day to play. To test these whips against pliant and yet resisting flesh.
Alas, the moment passed and I had to continue on my way.

There were no seats left on the morning express bus.
I stood, holding on to a metal pole.

In the midst of the crowded aisle, I laid the back of my small hand against the cool metal.
Wistful for a moment that there should be some lovely shackle to affix me to the pole.

Chained and bound, I think of my exemplary Postulant
so neatly and quietly observing me while I read
my toes sometimes reaching from my chair
to nudge him softly

So precious he is, my Postulant.
The sight of him would strike a tender chord in me.
And he sits, patiently, humbly,
Aching for that tenderness.

Aural Indoctrination I

Good Postulant received a message from me today with specific directions on how to aurally indoctrinate himself.
I was going to post my tentative training timeline, but I'm too tired right now.

Where's my fucking massage? I feel as if all I have been doing is shouting into the wind.
Throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

So far, I have not been impressed at all by the efforts (or lack thereof) of postulants to bring a smile to my day.

Postulants take heed

Your treat will arrive in your inboxes later on today. A new assignment, proposed training schedule, and musical playlist will also be posted by late this evening.
Please note the links to the left. Small gifts are always a pleasure. My personal object fetishes include: tiny, tiny seashells, egg-shaped rocks, blank notebooks and journals, houseplants, red items, shoes (6.5), nice pens, hentai manga and of course, fun toys found at Mr. S Leathers and Fetters and corsets.

Oh yeah, corsets pulled tight. I love that feeling of being so snugly encased.

It's late, so good night.